okay i turned back.
how fickle i am.

```

well i'm glad its over.
it was so meaningless and pointless too.
how dumb.

okay its officially over now.
i think i'll miss training and all.
especially mrwee and mrgoh.
not like i'm not going to ever see them again anyway,
and i see mrgoh in school everyday too lol.
but that's besides the point.
i hope i find the determination and discipline to exercise on my own now.
since there'll be no more training to maintain my fitness.
boo i'm a tad worried.

although i tried my best today i still played like crap.
which made me sad.
because i managed to screw up my very last match with cedar.
ahwell.
wonder if i'll continue in badminton next time.

its speech day tomorrow!
i don't think i'm particularly excited about it though.
what's there to be excited about watching people go up on stage to collect awards?
luckily there'll be some performances. which i hope are interesting enough to keep me entertained.

freak there's this annoying baby lizard that has seemed to have taken up residence in the office.
and its been crawling all over the wall since last night.
ohGAWD someone save me.
stupid lizard.
go find some other house's wall to occupy.

i've made up my mind
and there's no turning back.

```

soon, its going to be all over.
all but a memory,
all but the past.
obviously i'm sad, but then again,
there's nothing much left of it to make the sadness more worth while.
its a bit embarassing, i might add.
see? there's nothing left of it.
nothing but an empty meaningless shell of the former pride it once was.
nothing at all.

1 down, 2 more to go.
before it all ends.
and then it'll be the first steps of our goodbyes.
first painful steps.

i want to make the last few matches worth it.
i want to fight like i've never fought before.
but i ask you, with such pessimism facing you front back and side,
how can i possibly do my best?
i want to show that we can do it,
as a team, as one spirit.
the last few moments of us being bonded as one.
but no.
sad to say, its not helping my inferiority complex any better.

just look at the others.
so much support, so much unity.
but all i feel here is some encouragement only when its required.
wait wait maybe not.
because i don't get any, even in action.
nothing i say will get through,
and i end up showing the first few signs of dementia by talking to myself.

heck it all.
if this is how you want our road to end for you, then so be it.

```

blarh.
my mum dragged me to some new salon that my aunt recommended just now.
and my lovely fringe that i so patiently grew long was snipped off.
ARGHH!
i'm crushed. ):
damn. now i like some emo jap anime character with my hair down.
eeeyer. i just had to forget to tell the aunty not to touch my fringe.
damn damn damn.

i think riding in the back of chris' car is fun.
especially when the car ride is long.
haha although this means that there's a higher risk of being thrown out of the car.
LOL.

not because of who i am,
but because of what you've done.
not because of what i've done,
but because of who you are.

i am a flower quickly fading,
here today and gone tomorrow,
a wave tossed in the ocean,
a vapor in the wind.
still you hear me when i'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when i'm falling,
and you've told me who i am.
i am yours.
i am yours.

```

oh man the march holidays sure zoomed by real fast.
too fast.
it wasn't even a holiday for me.
so much work and stuff to complete in too little time.
the only enjoyable thing for me was the outing to watch titoudao.
but then it was all over just like that.
ahwell.

first day of school today was a killer.
luckily it rained in the morning.
it lightened my mood, how ironic.
uhm, yeah. so much work not done yet haha.
i don't understand how i can make such stupid mistakes.
sheesh.

biology class after school was so fun.
well i mean it put me in a better mood for learning.
but the happiness was short-lived
because soon after it ended i found out that i had 3 hours of PT awaiting me.
sheesh.

2.4 km = 4 rounds round the school.
followed by 1500 skips
and then 5x15 sets of 8 types of heavy weights in the gym.
sheesh.

we discovered a little mouse (it looks more like a shrew to me) that has a nest (that cannot be seen) near the gym.
its so ADORABLE.
it gave me something to think about during those boring repititions of lifting weights.
i wish i saw it earlier.
so cool la, we have a resident shrew!
ahhhhhh.

some people really annoy me.
just what IS their problem, i do not know.
telling you point-blank in your face to do something and it goes unheeded.
sheesh.

i hope TGIGF turns out well.
7th april.
not so long way to go.
eeyer.

chris i'm still sad that you didn't bring any penang char kway teow back for me!
boos. ):

okay i'm back!
from a very short family retreat which started on friday..
it was so cute.
we stayed at some service apartment at robertson walk and checked out this afternoon.
basically we bummed around and did nothing much,
apart from eating and sleeping most of the time.
but we succeeded in getting away from all the stress and crap for a few days.
it was worth it.
pity that i was too lazy to go swimming, the pool looked rather inviting!
gym too. but i spent quality time with the comfy bed HAHA.

the kinokuniya outlet at liang court was full of japanese last night when i went there!
omg wherever i turned i'd hear japanese conversing in japanese.
man i was in heaven while i was there.
THEY'RE SO COOL!
haha.
the ramen at tampopo (sounds funny haha) restaurant kicks ass!
its in the basement, next to some japanese supermarket.
the whole outing reminded me so much of japan.
oh, heart ache.

chinese oral on friday was bullshit!
as usual i crapped my way through.
as usual i could hardly read decently.
as usual i ran out of things to say waaayy to early into the convo.
and as usual i think i'm going to fail.
i learnt that smiling at the examiner and saying "ya.." when you've got nothing else to say doesn't help your predicament one bit.
but i kept doing that. ARGH!
although i'm very thankful to God that i understood the topic of discussion.
let's just hope that huang lao shi took pity of my pathetic attempts to converse in chinese.

while waiting in school for my brother to pick me up,
weiting and i decided to walk around the sec4 level to see how the cheerleading auditions were going.
only saw garde and rose though.
no sign of bouge or ixora or ole. not that i care anyway.
according to yiying, garde's in quite a bad state this year. HAHA poor dear.
and according to weiting, rose needs a few people for base.
okay so i'm caught between to teams,
one that i love with all my heart, and the other that i'm much obliged to support.
i really miss the cheerleading days in garde. BLAH.
heck even helping out last year wasn't so bad.
i really want to join this year, but it seems that i'm not exactly needed,
since there're 5 sec4s already.
rose needs people, but i'm not very interested.
i'm just not cut out for rose.

damn its pilot pen tomorrow.
can't believe that i mistook my match tomorrow for wednesday.
ugh and i cancelled my flag raising and chem spa for nothing.
DAMN.
we better win tomorrow and make everything worth it.

can't wait for titoudao!
yayness.
(:

happy belated birthday to lynette yeo!
you crazy girl, we missed letters of iwo jima because of YOU!
lol kidding. (:

phooo.
don't you just LOVE the rain?

upon turning 16 yesterday,
i didn't feel any older.
haha all the big hoo-hah about sweet sixteen is nothing.
actually i don't know why there's a sweet sixteen.
why not fine fifteen or sexy seventeen?
haha how weird.

i thank God for the 16 years that He's blessed me with...
and i came to realise that i've been blessed with so many wonderful friends too.
i'm thankful for every single one of them, whether close or not.

i love my presents!
ohgosh especially shawn's VERY CUTE and appealing drawing of me thrashing my brother in badminton.
and the really sweet letter that's attached to it at the back!
plus the bumble bee that can keep my turtle company and the turtle keychain AND the four leaf clover necklace.
*gasp* that was a mouthful to type lol.
and sab and froggie's cute door hanger thingy!
yes sab its ADORABLE. (:
and joce and wen's mini candle holder and bracelet!
i love the bracelet its so funky!
and my brother's teddy bear with the rock.
i SO believed that he carved the verse in himself.
and ant's funny bottle thingy!
i'm still trying to figure out what's inside...
and my parents' phone!
ahaha how could i forget that.
finally! i've broken out of the cycle of handphone poverty.

thank you all for making me feel loved!
(:

chris ate so much last night that she broke her own eating record i think.
you PIG! wahahaha...
you still owe me $11.70.