Sigh.

Today was my first BSF lesson of the year. I must say that I enjoyed my time there more than I did at last year's. Maybe because the class was quieter so I didn't feel so intimidated. Quite looking forward to next week's session. And I actually felt a tang of pity that I wouldn't be able to continue because I'll be leaving. My CL's pretty cute too, in a funny way. Especially the way he pronounces words with 'R' in them. Like 'pray' becomes 'pway'. My dad says he's very learned too, and his lessons are usually very solid. Good, I can get as much wisdom as I can from him about God's word in the coming few weeks.

If I asked you what your idea of an ideal life would be, what would you say? A life without any complications, with no hardship, no illnesses nor troubles.. I guess that's the first and maybe only thing that people would come up with. In other words, an easy life. I regretfully admit that I thought of that too when my CL posed that question during BSF. But what he said afterwards made me think harder, deeper. Having an easy life, one without trials or tribulations, doesn't necessarily equate to having a meaningful life. It's pretty pointless anyway. If you do nothing but eat, sleep and be happy, so what? What's the point of all that when you've got nothing to look forward to in the end of everything? But when God comes into the equation, everything changes. The difficulties of life suddenly become a stepping stone for us to the real ideal life. I guess when God is in our lives, the most ideal life could even be one riddled with problems and trials. He puts us to the tests, but still provides for us. Which makes everything bearable. And ideal. After all, we can be assured that He'll be there to give us the sustenance that we need. So don't pray for an easy life. Pray for the ideal one that God has planned for you.

Jehovah Jireh, the Lord will provide.

Last night was an emotional rollercoaster ride for me. One big heckuva ride. Thank God I'm feeling better now. Guess BSF really helps.

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Someday, somehow
Gonna make it all right, but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Thing is, are you really? Why the hell did you let me listen to that. Now it's gotten me thinking, wondering. And hoping even more. I want more signs if its true. More concrete signs. Then maybe I can be happy again.

Happy post-Good Friday everyone! Service yesterday was alright I guess.. Not much struck me during the sermon though. Only the points that Jesus suffered because of us, with us, and for us. Which is pretty much quite self-explanatory. Only that I didn't realise that whenever we sin Jesus still suffers. Quite thought provoking.

For some reason last night, I felt quite empty. Actually I've been feeling pretty empty spiritually this year already, but last night it was quite bad. So I read my Bible for a while and felt slightly better after reading a chapter of Genesis. Felt like God was trying to tell me something about the creation story that I never thought of before. Quite enlightening. And I've decided that I'm going to change the err of my ways and make a conscious effort to stop my backsliding and stay on track with God. Every night I will read a chapter from the Bible and reflect upon the Word, no matter how "I-don't get-it-at-all" it may be. And I will not fall asleep before I finish saying my prayers. With God's help I'll be a better, stronger, wiser person.

This year's Easter Sunday's going to be a tad sad for me with my brother gone to Taiwan.. He's leaving tonight for about three weeks. Ohwell. I'm pretty much bummed up about it. Especially with my days left in Singapore so limited. I've started counting down in weeks already.

I realised I had forgotten to post this in my previous post so here it is now: I really miss my old class of 1S27. Well, at least the stupid crazy people whom I hung out with. Seeing them on Thursday just made me realise how much I had missed being in their company. Especially Peiqi! I haven't seen her since last year I think! That's a crazy long time ago. So glad she made it back to SR on Thursday. It was great being with everyone again. (:

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Went blog-hopping just now and stumbled upon this story.. Give it a read, I think it's very meaningful.

The Story of the Four Candles

The Four Candles burned slowly.
Their ambiance was so soft you could hear them speak...

The first candle said, "I am Peace, but these days, nobody wants to keep me lit."
Then Peace's flame slowly diminished and went out completely.

The second candle said, "I am Faith, but these days, I am no longer indispensable."
Then Faith's flame slowly diminished and went out completely.

Sadly the third candle spoke, "I am Love and I haven't the strength to stay lit any longer."
"People put me aside and don't understand my importance.
They even forget to love those who are nearest to them."
And waiting no longer, Love went out completely.

Suddenly...
A child entered the room and saw the three candles no longer burning.

The child began to cry,
"Why are you not burning? You are supposed to stay lit until the end."

Then the Fourth Candle spoke gently to the little boy,
"Don't be afraid, for I am Hope, and while I still burn,
we can re-light the other candles."

With shining eyes, the child took the Candle of Hope
and lit the other three candles.

Never let the Flame of Hope go out.
With Hope in your life, no matter how bad things may be,
Peace, Faith and Love may shine brightly once again

With hope in the Lord, everything will fall into place I guess. With hope and trust.

I'll be using this as my foundation to hold on. Even if it may seem blind and foolish.

Got back PW results today! Skipped work to go back to school for the collection of results. I'm so proud of SR! We got 98.8% of distinctions this year. :D It's a massive improvement from last year and the year before. In 2007 we only had a measly 1.2% of As, in 2008 is was about 32%. This year, however, we managed to get a whopping 68.8%!! Everyone got either an A, B or C. No D or Es! Yay. (: Well anyway, I got a B. I feel like I'm such a loser, haha. Ironically my PW grades won't even affect me since I'm not taking the A level examination but I'm quite disappointed with my B. Goes to show I'm not meant to get a single A in my JC life. Oh well.

Congrats to Danielle who got an A! I'm so proud of her. And to my other friends who got As and Bs too! You guys deserve it. (:

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Saw you from a distance.. Looked but like a stranger to me. So close, yet so far. Even if I had reached out my hand I wouldn't have touched you. I wish I hadn't seen you today, honestly. Got me feeling down and depressed all over again. Just when I thought I could be able to forget you. I can't do it, I just can't dammit. I can't tell you how much I want to talk to you like last time. I've got too much shit on my mind to contain. And some things I just can't tell others. I'm leaving in a month's time. Would you be there to send me off? If you are, how would it be like? Weird, awkward and distant? Or warm, heartfelt and sincere? At this rate I think it'll be the former.

So much for promising you'd be my close friend.

I'm back from Rocmoc camp! It was.. alright I guess. Night walk on Friday night at Mount Vernon Columbarium and the cemetry nearby was quite fun although I didn't go on the walk. Helping the guys who were playing ghosts dress up for their role was fun.. Felt like a fashion designer for that moment. Throughout the whole time we were at the carpark there was this cute, friendly kitty that entertained us. And it's so fat that if Garfield were a real cat, I'd fancy that he'd be that size. It was funny hearing the girls scream when Moses scared them in the pagoda, and also the stories of the J1 guys trying to act brave. I'm so mean. :P Fang and I went to lie in the middle of the field after we got back and spent a long time there talking about stuff. (: It felt so good.. Looking up into the vast sky overhead with the stars watching down on us. And not to mention the fellowship I had with her. (: I don't know how long we spent there, but it was pretty late when we got up to go bathe. Lying in the field is awesome at night. (:

Saturday was packed with activities right from the start. Watching the juniors do PT made me want to laugh. Won't say why, though. Haha. Confidence fall was pretty amusing, from the reactions of my juniors. But some were just kind of pathetic, actually.. No balls yo. LOL. Climb Asia was quite crowded but managed to climb after awhile. And I set a route that I initially thought I couldn't do. Although Sue May flashed it. . . Haha but luckily I didn't give up trying if not I wouldn't have completed it. :D Had lunch at Vivo before taking the monorail over to Sentosa. The ride cost us $3! Though it's a two-way ticket I still think its a rip-off. My poor wallet. ): Played some games with the juniors and played with the sand with Rai and Fang, then it started to rain. ): So I couldn't get a tan. ROAR. And Tiff, Rai and I had to take public transport back to school with the J3s because there wasn't enough space on the chartered bus. How dumb is that! Lousy planning skills. But whatever, at least we got relatively nice dinner from Qi-Ji, bubble tea and tau huey to eat. BBQ didn't look very good anyway. Played with the sparklers that Dan so kindly sponsored in the field after that. Ran around like idiots haha. Our photo-taking session didn't turn out very well. ): And the J3s burned two little holes in the synthetic grass field! HAHA whatever. Some of the guys joined me, Rai, Fang and Tiff out on the field again, and we started rolling everywhere LOL. It was funny seeing them roll in a circle and then walking unsteadily after that. Laughed so hard, haha. Watched Gokusen on Ranielle in the hall after that, before sleeping.

Today was pretty boring.. Didn't do much apart from playing an impromptu game of captain's ball with the J3s. Then I left at around 12. Couldn't bring myself to leave, actually. Haha ohwell.

I'm glad I had the opportunity to go for the camp, really. The nights made me reminisce about Yangshuo. ): And I had time with the girls! Especially Fang. (: Saying goodbye to them just now was so hard. Didn't want to part ways with them. ):

After the camp, I think it's a pity I didn't get to know my J3 seniors better last year when I could. Through the camp I realise that they're pretty funny! Steph, Aslam, JJ, Xiong Wei, Darien, Lianne and Shafiq. Haha especially Xiong Wei and JJ. They're all pretty nice. And its nice to see how close they all are.. Going back for camp and all. Makes me wish my batch was close like them. But my batch is so different..! We're kind of clique-ly, in a way, with all our different groups. But I think its also because there are so many of us, so something like this is bound to happen. At least I'm sure we all love each other in one way or another. (:

My brother's leaving for Taiwan next weekend for three weeks because of army. Which leaves me only two weekends with him after that before I fly away to Melbourne. THIS SUCKS. To the max. ):

I think I'm destined never to see you again. Ever.

Mr Apple says, "Hi!"

Haha, yeah, I'm typing this on my lovely new Macbook, Ranielle. It's opening ceremony took place sometime last week, attended by just my dad and I. We proceeded to figure out how to use it after that HAHA. We looked like Mac noobs. But I'm glad to say that after many days of headaches and frustration, not only have I managed to transfer my files over from my PC, I can gladly say that I'm more or less more confident of using Ranielle. Although I obviously still operate faster on Windows, I've gone a long way from the first few pathetic days of getting used to using it. Yay. (:

There's one major problem left unsolved so far, though. Which is to get my (bloody) Seagate external hard drive to work on Ranielle. Funnily enough, my brother's hard drive is readable on Ranielle even though it's Windows formatted. That's how I managed to transfer my files over. Tine and I went crazy sifting through online forums to find a solution that works, but everytime we tried something, a new error will pop up. I've come to hate the "Input/Output Error" sign. Haha but now my dad is trying to format it on his computer. We've chosen to format it to FAT32 and hopefully it'll work. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Rocmoc camp is tomorrow! I'M SO EGG-CITED! :D :D I can't wait to... Hang out with the girls, have fun with the team, make new friends with my juniors, go to Sentosa, get a tan, eat BBQ, sleep late, lie on the field looking at stars and just hang lose! Oh, did I mention climb? Hahaha, I just hope that my muscles won't ache so that I can get maximum pleasure from climbing three days in a row. After that my muscles can ache for all I care. (: May God bless us with good weather until Sunday!

Which reminds me, I haven't packed. Haha ohdear I'd better go get started soon.

YAYY.

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Aye, some things I really don't get. One minute you're so friendly and the next minute you don't reply. What is that supposed to mean, dammit. And the things you say... Like what're you trying to get at?? Arghh, I really don't get you now.

Now you're but a stranger to me.