tomorrow at this time, i would be in china!
probably touring guangzhou during our 10hour stop-over..
but yeah i'm so egg-cited! :D
going over to school later at 4pm, then we'll all be staying over tonight.
yay!

may God grant us journey mercy and give us all an awesome time there!
and keep us all safe from harm, evil and danger. (:
Amen!

I SURVIVED.
OMG RACHIE TAN SURVIVED!
hahah yeap, i got back from the abseiling and zip line course all safe and sound!
i'm so proud of myself, yay (:
i still remember there was one night last week, where i couldn't sleep at all because i kept imagining how scary and high the abseiling and zip line would be!
especially the zip line rope - OAC scared the shit out of me then.
but anyway, turns out that the obstacles weren't high at all!
abseiling and zip line were only three storeys up.
OAC was five.
nothing to be worried about! i think. hahah.
well did abseiling first, and it was a little scary, but i didn't look down and concentrated on lowering myself nice and slowly.
and before i knew it, i was down! in one piece.
chicken feet yo! lol.
then was zip line! omg i was quite excited for that one since it was only three storeys up.
i do admit standing at the edge waiting for the line to come back is unnerving.
and the part when you launch yourself off the platform.
but once done, the fun begins!
although there wasn't much kick to it, since it was only three storeys high.
but it gave me a bit more confidence in myself.
didn't get to climb the high wall, though... because it rained.
shucks, the high wall looked easy.
there were so many happy colourful jugs!
once the rain reduced to a drizzle, we all (including rai, meltay and i) embarked on an epic journey that saw us walking from that MOE camp site thingy, through east coast park all the way to that bus stop near water venture @ changi.
and along the way, God decided to open the floodgates of heaven.
yes, it started pouring on us.
thankfully meltay had an umbrella so we three huddled under it.
by the time the bus stop came into view the rain stopped as fast as it started.
but we were all drenched already.
ran for the bus and transfered to 55 at puay's old house.
freaking bus was bloody cold. don't know why but i kept feeling the draft even though i pointed the air con away from me.
so i endured about 40 minutes in that moving freezer before i could take it no longer.
then my dad came to get me with a thermos of hot milo and some towels. (:

```

"let's just be wonderful friends"
see, it really was never meant to be.
its time i should start to erase it all.
thanks for everything.

Goodbye, my almost lover.

its been awhile!
been lazy lately, hahah.
but let's continue from where i last left off, if i can remember the events..

okay, this month has had a few highlights for me!
firstly was the windsurfing course!
mryong brought the rocmoc team to windsurf,
the workshop consisted of 2 days at the water venture in changi..
first day was hell - the weather conditions were crazy for us beginners.
it was super windy and the sea was choppy..
so we all spent the time trying to pull on the uphaul line to try and get the sail up,
but because the bloody wind was so strong and the waves to choppy, we kept falling.
it was fun, i guess, in a sarcastic way.
thankfully the second day was better! partly because it was in the morning i guess.
spent a loooong time in the water, and i managed to sail properly! WHOOHOO.
it was super fun, although i moved really slowly because there wasn't much wind.
and best of all, i could turn as well! hahah, super proud of myself.
windsurfing is fun man! i wanna go back and learn more. :D

next highlight was rocmoc chalet!
which was right after the second day of the windsurfing course.
met up with those who didn't go for windsurfing to get the BBQ stuff, then we all made our way to the chalet.
after much walking and navigation with a map, we finally found the place...
... and found that the master bedroom was taken up by some people.
HMM...
that aside, i had a nice time reminiscing about the old times... when my uncle would book similar chalets during the year end holidays for our families to crash out and have fun.
so anyway, the girls and i claimed a nice room for ourselves and took a little nap.
then got up and went to a nearby jetty to watch the lovely picturesque sunset.
headed back for BBQ dinner! and i didn't eat much, as usual.
watched madagascar on the telly for awhile before doing i-can't-remember-what.
sent rai and ben back home, then i went to bathe!
the other girls didn't, eww so smelly. hahah!
then the few of us followed kenny and dsen outside to go burn ants...
armed with an aerosol spray and a lighter.
haha, damn cool man the flame.
felt like a delinquent, though. playing with fire by the side of the road. :/
went back and watched some movies, courtesy of jo...
then retreated to our room to gossip. :D
edmong, hengtiong and kenny invaded our room soon after with their mattresses and i stayed up to play cards with them while the girls KO-ed.
edmond was kind enough to entertain us with his stupidity that comes late at night..
it was really amusing.
then the guys crashed while i woke jingfang up to chat.
and then we woke the rest at 5am to go watch the sunrise.
walked along the boardwalk and realised that we were facing the wrong direction, so we headed back with no sunrise. ):
but we saw shooting stars along the way! which was really unexpected.
can you imagine, shooting stars in singapore!
so i saw my first singaporean shooting star.
i guess we could see because we were at the edge of singapore, with not as many city lights.
immediately thought of lahu... and got this heartache because i'm not going up this year. ):
returned to the chalet and it was my turn to totally crash.
then dsen woke us up later in the morning by clanging a ladle to a wok and shouting as if he was a hawker.
bloody hell it was damn loud but damn funny.
then we all trooped to school to submit our PW files.
and thus came to a conclusion our long, tedious journey of PW.
phew.
well, rocmoc chalet was a tad on the boring side, but i wouldn't trade the time i spent with my friends.
not with anything i won't.

the next day, the yangshuo team decended on TTSH to get our vaccination jabs done!
most people were busy freaking out about the prospect of having 3 jabs at one go, me included.
but it ended up being totally painless! and super fast.
i wouldn't call it a jab or injection. it was more of a poke.
yeah, that small! haha.
though it still managed to extract a yell from taihong.
hahah, everyone had a good laugh.
watched the soccer guys have lunch before bringing them to donut factory!
and helped anthony order 2 boxes of a dozen doughnuts for his family.
haha champion la he.

then today!
after having a meeting with my CT in school,
my parents and i went down to the aussie education centre to ask a few final questions and fill in the application forms for some universities.
looks like i'll be either going to melbourne (la trobe) or tasmania (university of tasmania)!
gotta give them some documents tomorrow, though.
but so cool! i think.
hahah.
we're all favouring tasmania, though. for zoology that is.
i hope tasmania offers physiology too!
just in case i decide later that i want to do that.
i hope i hope!

well next up is the abseiling and zip line course tomorrow!
its to prepare us for yangshuo but OMG I DON'T WANNA GO!
i'm so gonna cry tomorrow..
and relive those traumatic OAC days...
OMG. NO.
:'(

well i hope tomorrow passes by super fast,
cause once i'm done with it, next up is CHINAA!!
whoohoo, the ultimate highlight :D
but a day before that dear ol' raveen comes back from england!
OMG can't wait too. (:

Have to try
And you won't have to fail
If you're afraid to fly
Then I guess you never will
You hide behind your walls
Of maybe nevers
Forgetting that there's something more
Than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now
They tell you who you're not
You've got to live this life you're given
Like it's the only one you've got

thanks, ben, for sharing this song with me.
and persisting that i listen to the lyrics.
because i realised that it applies to my life too,
especially since i'm at such a huge crossroad.
with life-changing decisions to make.

thing is, though, i am afraid to fly.
i suppose its because i'm afraid of falling and hitting the ground.
its awfully cowardly of me, yes i know.
but for someone who treasures security and stability in her life, i'm finding it really hard to take that first step.
sigh, i wish i could be more courageous.
more confident in God, too.
i'm lacking it so much!
i realised that all this while i haven't exactly been listening to Him, neither have i been letting Him direct me.
maybe that's why my life is so messed up right now.
hah, its hardly a Beautiful Mess.
that's such an oxymoron, by the way.. how can a mess be beautiful?
unless i'm missing out on something...
i haven't seen the end of the rabbit hole yet haha.

You've got to live this life you're given
Like it's the only one you've got
well, technically speaking, this life IS the only one we've got.
God ain't gonna give us a second chance.
rarh, i just hate crossroads, don't you?
i really, really, really have absolutely no idea as to what to choose.
still.
gawd, i'm taking an awfully long time to decide.
and i'm still doing a lousy job of letting God lead me.
$%#@! darn.

Rachel Tan the Zoologist.
mygawd, i just love the ring to that.
i feel so stupid because being a vet wasn't what i wanted to be.
it was a zoologist.
i mixed up the two.
but thank God i realised it before i did anything stupid haha.
well, if that is the path i choose to take, it really will be "bye-bye/zai jian/(malay for goodbye)/indian for goodbye" Singapore and "G'day mate" to Aussie.
which is both exciting yet scary at the same time.
more of the latter, i must say.
I DON'T WANT TO GO OVERSEAS!
not by myself, anyway.
but then again, in life you gotta make sacrifices, and be strong.
Have to try
And you won't have to fail
see la.
how how howwww.
when i'm so hesitant to try.
gosh what happened to the confident racheltan i used to know!
obviously gone, that's for sure.
sigh.
i want the old rachietan back.

how does psychology sound?
if i do that, i'll be staying here (YES!) and going to ngee ann poly (double YES!)
and, sister will be with me in that course and school (make that triple and quadruple YES!)
what a tempting route, huh.
if i choose that, i will never be a zoologist.
though psychology is something i don't mind doing... and becoming a counsellor of sorts.
but then i'll be forsaking my dreams of working with animals, of studying them, of interacting with them.
ARGHHH I DON'T KNOW.
i really don't know.

someone help me.
please.

OP is over yo!
like FINALLY.
now i just have to try and salvage my (very lousily written) I&R.
omg how am i to do it?!
so screwed, soso uber screwed.

went to school in the morning to have some last minute OP rehearsals..
then, before we knew it, it was time!
thankfully we only got 2 adjudicators, HENG.
and no external moderators, yay!
ahaha stupid tsesiong was in my OP group, so he was part of the student audience.
well, thank God all went well, and the Q&A sessions was relatively easy.
only one question each! lol.
and praise the Lord for my question was one that mrsteo had asked me before!
so i knew what to say haha :D
tsesiong said we were rather good, and that i was (quote) "zai".
AHAHAHA yay!
okay sorry ego's inflating quite a bit.
but to be modest and humble, i think everyone did good!
felicia, huiling, heydi and max too!
we did awesome i'm sure.
i hope the examiners felt good after our presentation though..
but what's done is done. now i can relax! haha (:

spent some time talking nonsense with sister and dudley after OP..
and man are they total retards.
haha but it was fun, just sitting there talking about everything under the sun.
and watching their stupid expressions and all.
real total retards, haha.
ahwell, it was nice, the time spent there!

now its time to go off to meet my dear bud for dinner!
omg finally we're meeting up to catch up with each other's lives!
stupid guy make me wait so long to do so.
haha alrighty then! ta! <3

so many things on my mind now...
stay or go? stay or go?
i really don't know.
i don't want to think about it, but i have to.
its my future, my next step.
i wish i had the courage to face my problems bravely.
sigh.

this week has been filled with OP rehearsals!
lots and lots of OP rehearsals.
long OP rehearsals, too.
thank goodness that my group's presentation has been improving rapidly over the week.
so much so that mrsteo said that our whole group's standard is at least a low ME.
and she said i'm a high ME!
YAY.
but i wonder how to get EE, that's my aim!
okay. i've got 1 day left to improve.
i must give it my best shot!
to be truthful... after OP is done, i'll be quite sad to bid PW farewell.
especially since my PW group members totally rock.
and since our project topic is so darn cool.
i mean, who else would think of molecular gastronomy??
(apart from some MJ students lol)
and its such a cool topic too. uber fun to research on.
though PW has been a bane in my life so far,
i won't say that i don't regret my time spent on it.
looking back, the journey was memorable.

went for tommy emmanuel's concert on wednesday!
yes, the day finally came. (:
my brother went as well, instead of my dad.
my dad was sweet enough to let him take his ticket since he could book out for the night.
so we went on a 'date' together, just my brother and i. :D
it was fun, spending time with him alone again.
the DBS auditorium was quite bad, many people had difficulty finding their seats.
but luckily brian and i found ours quickly and settled down early (for once).
got really excited when tommy came out on stage.
and he is really the epitome of guitar playing, i swear.
he's improved from the last time i heard him, which was last year.
and he was soooo energetic, he kept bouncing around the stage cracking joke after joke.
he is really amazing.. words can't possibly describe his prowess.
and i thank God for blessing him with such wonderful talent, and that tommy uses this talent to praise and worship Him.

i learnt something from tommy's new song.
habba na habba
bit by bit, your dreams will come true.
God willing, of course.
hopefully i wll be able to draw upon that assurance and claim it.

went to RELC with my parents on friday to talk to some counsellors about my possible education on australia..
went back feeling rather down, depressed and sian.
but thanks to a nice nap and talk to my sister and some of her friends, i felt better after that.
although i still have to think through things and sort my thoughts out.
oh, and my brother actually came back for dinner after he booked out from camp!
he actually didn't go out with his friends or puay, he came HOME!
i was so uber shocked when i woke up and found him at the dining table.
and i was really happy inside. (:
more time alone with him, YAY! hahaha.
felt good, yeah it did.
even went for supper with my mum, and had some fun chatting and all.
ahwell (:

then, today!
CLIMB ON 2008.
i so was not in the mood to go.
but what to do, bopian.
because it was storming in the morning, i was unable to meet fang by myself, so my dad fetched me.
had difficulty locating that girl in sengkang, as well as locating the venue for climb on.
but thank God we managed to find the place, and met up with jo, rai and tiff.
after registering and all, i still didn't feel like climbing.
but we (the girls) decided to just whack a few (easy) routes and be done with it.
so yeah, we climbed a couple of routes.. and i'm relatively proud of myself because i completed them!
though they were freaking easy. but ahwell.
an accomplishment is an accomplishment, praise the Lord! hahahah.
at around early lunchtime jo's mum brought macs for us and we went to a nearby breakwater to eat.
the scenery was plain but nice, staring out to sea has a really calming effect on you.
as my sister says, it helps straighten out your thoughts too.
but since i was stoning most of the time, nothing was straightened lol.
jo and rai went to climb a few more routes after that, while fang, tiff and i decided to retire for the day.
then we went to jo's house with kenny, edmondtheslut and hengtiong.
spent the time with fang watching jerome play PS while the rest watched Saw4.
then we watched Death Race and left for dinner.
i went home.
it was fun, though. crashing out with friends at someone's house.
different feeling from crashing out at my house.
haha.

ohwell, its another busy day for me tomorrow..
church, then OP rehearsal after that!
i hope its productive.

to my dear friends who're taking their A levels now:
ALL THE BEST YO!
you can do it, i know you can!
may God bless you all with the discipline to study till the end, and the clarity of mind when you attempt your questions.
it'll be over before you know it, so just persevere on!
love ya'll. (: