okay, time to reshuffle my life once again.
this time, its no more poly (sobs).
so i shall change it to JC, HERE I COME!
i feel like i've been living a lie all this while.
and it totally sucks because you feel cheated and that you've wasted your time believing in things that were never what you thought they were.

i wonder who's to blame.
maybe its me, because i took so long to find out these things.
but then again the right opportunity was never given to me.
considering the fact that i got brushed off at my first attempt to see a lecturer,
and spoke to someone who seemed like he didn't really know what was going on at the open house,
so i don't really think i'm at fault that much.
or maybe i'm just living in self-denial again.
well, so much for "YAY I'M GOING TO POLY TO FINALLY DO SOMETHING THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO" and "GOODBYE ACJC".
i'm back to square one. again.
but at least i've already made up my mind to take the JC route,
since its apparently easier to do veterinary science next time (though i still don't see how).
ohwell, i already told myself that i have to be prepared to make sacrifices in order to achieve my dream of becoming a veterinarian.
and this is one of it.
WHY COULDN'T THERE BE A COURSE ON VETERINARY SCIENCE!
life would be so much easier for me.

i wonder if ACJC will take me in. i wonder.
i think my chances are quite slim.
if only i hadn't been living in the bubble of believing that i'd be going to poly,
AND STUDIED HARDER.
but no regrets, rachel. no regrets.

i also wonder what God has in store for me.
i hope its something exciting.
i've come to realise that everytime i feel as if i have my life in control,
God turns me around and gives me a wake-up call and tells me something like,
"helloooo rachel its not you who's running your life. it's ME."
after all, the Bible says in Proverbs 16:9
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
which i think is what i kinda failed to see when i was living my lie.
i am such a fool.

anyway i'll be needing your prayers once again!
but no longer for my enrolment into poly.
now it'll be that hopefully God wants me to be in ACJC!
or CJC if really cannot.
SRJC would be my last choice hahaha.

anyway, i'm so happy that brian is back from BMT!
although its for only the weekend, i'm still so happy to see him again.
its like the other half of me has returned.
it really wasn't fun at all being the only child..
so you could just imagine my happiness and excitement to have my brother back again.
it was good to have someone to talk to on a teenager level again,
someone who spoke my 'lingo' at home,
someone who sat next to me in the car,
someone sleeping in the room next to mine,
someone to look up to,
and most of all, someone to call my brother again.
not like i disowned him or anything (haha)..
but when i went to spas' house on thursday night for rob's farewell party,
i couldn't help but keep thinking of how much fun brian would be having if he were here,
hanging out with his pals like the old time.
well he'll be going back to tekong tomorrow night,
but i'm just glad that i could see him again.

speaking to you on the phone that day really made me cheer up.
from breaking down into tears to talking animatedly like my real self.
you probably didn't realise it, but it was you who made me feel like my real self again.
so thankyou, from the very bottom of my heart. (:

with my rifle and my buddy and ME.

ahhhhhhh its over.
more or less, at least.
i'm still unsure if i should feel happy about my results or not.
well, okay, i really praise and thank God for my results, whether or not i'm satified with them.
i really don't understand how i got such grades for both my maths and chemistry.
racheltan has NEVER gotten close to those grades in her life, much less even pass.
its really God's blessings, man.
i really wouldn't have gotten my score without Him.
ahhhhhhh THANKYOU LORD!

okay, so stage one (completing the 'O's) and stage two (getting back results) are over.
now its the third and final stage - applying!
oh TP, my dear TP... HERE I COME!!
whoo. i'm so excited! because i can finally apply for my lovely vet tech course.
although i'm a bit worried that i might not get into the course
due to the fact that my L1R4 just hits the COP.
so i'm gonna be a typical singaporean and apply via JPSAE too.
just to make sure hahaha.
i'll be needing everyone's prayers again please! hehe (:

brian's coming back from tekong after 2 weeks of army confinement!
i'm so so excited!!
yah! xD

i realised yesterday after seeing leng again how much i had missed her company.
and i never wanted to train ride back to end, there was just too much to talk about and catch up on!
ohwell, as we all move on with our lives in (very) different education institutes, i'm sure one thing will never change.
and that's our friendship.
ahhhhhh LENG I MISS YOU!! ):
how i wish we were in the same class again..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KWANGSTER!!
its your 17th birthday, YAY!
hahaha, someone's so old now!
love you so much! (:

yuppyupp, its sab's birthday today.
after work at 1pm i zoomed down the meet ivan at good ol' potong pasir station and we went to buy lotsa food for the 'party'.
we bought: 40 nuggets, 2 large packets of fries and a happy meal.
the happy meal was meant for sab, but we got cheated because it didn't come in the happy meal box and toy.
so ivan and i changed to name to "angry meal".
i felt so cheated okay.
so anyway, we lugged everything down to SAJC in a cab to surprise sab!
and i was so damn scared that we'll be arrested for trespassing hahaha.
waited for sab's neighbour to come get us and we gave sab the surprise of her life when she saw us.
i still can't understand why sab cried though. :/
passed the DM along the way to the canteen and i kinda freaked out because i was wearing sab's micro mini skirt,
but thankfully the DM was preoccupied and didn't notice me.
THANK GOD.
reached the canteen and saw kathleen! hahah, what a surprise. (:
alright so sab's friends brought a cake for her, and they threw water bombs at her and smeared each other with cake.
ivan and i were sitting quietly at one side sipping our not-so-nice teh bing.
thankfully her friends managed to eat our food, i was so scared that they wouldn't be able to!
then left the school, bid farewell to sabby and went home.

its results day tomorrow!!
GAHH.
words can't describe how i'm feeling right now, but i'll try.
scared? nervous? excited? uncertain? afraid?
yupp. basically, something like that.
i really don't know what to expect.
and maybe i shouldn't expect anything so i won't be disappointed tomorrow.
but then again.. SIGH.
i just can't wait to enrol into TP's vet tech course.

brian's coming back on friday!!
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIM AGAIN!! xD

okay, here's a little update about my situation at the eye centre:
i'm no longer useless!
i FINALLY know how to make transactions with credit cards.
its so cool luh!
swipe the card.. then press the buttons here and there... AHAH.
and the buttons ring with a satisfying "teet teet teet" everytime you press down.
then you tear the chit from the machine and get the customer to sign...
AHHHH SO COOL! hahaha.
i still hate taking calls though.
its really pointless of me to take calls because i always end up putting them on hold and referring my fellow receptionist to take the call.
but well if not for me those calls won't be taken because its always so damn busy.

speaking of busy, today was hell of a hectic day.
patient after patient streamed in, and i hardly could take a breather.
though the irritating thing is that somehow, the patients always come in at the same time.
so there'll be like a quiet period, with nobody coming in,
and then suddenly BOOM a whole tide of them arrive.
and i so cannot multi-task. nope nope.
but i am thankful to aunty rosalind who provided me with a lot of entertainment and laughter today and yesterday..
although no thanks to her that now the whole clinic knows that she's trying to matchmake julian and i.
OHWELL.
but it was cute lah, old childhood memories re-surfacing... hahaha!

i'm so happy that the weekend's here.
i can finally rest properly without the headache of dreading work the next day.
plus, i don't have work to drain my energy!
YAY.
and its KKMC's anniversary lunch on sunday!
i'm so excited, i have no idea why.
oh yeah, there's going to be the liu xing zhu jiao dance again!
ahhh brings back fond memories.. (:

okie dae, time for me to finish watching HANA YORI DANGO season 2!
omg that show is the BOMB. whoo! :D

i never thought that i'd say this,
but i miss school.
like, seriously speaking, i really do.
those uniform-clad days...
in blue and grey i mean.
sobs.

its especially worse for me since i didn't apply for PAE and hence not in a JC now.
so i can't wear my dear old uniform out without feeling like a fraud.
on the first day of school i walked over to j8 to grab some stuff,
and saw (as usual) many school kids in their uniforms.
some cedarians too! although the new temporary compound's nowhere near j8..
and that just made me feel even more cedar-sick.
i'm growing up too fast.
yeeks.

```

a word of caution:
below is a paragraph over-flowing with sarcasm, so please read with A SENSE OF HUMOUR.

i'm proud of myself.
after bumming around the house for a week plus,
i got myself a job and upgraded from "bumming around the house" status
to "bumming around the clinic".
yessiree i'm working at my uncle's eye centre, doing mostly NOTHING.
i'm such a good help aren't i?
started today, and i was helping to man the reception desk.
how interesting is that!
i was a clerk. or so i think i was.
the only clerk-ish things i did was to register patients when they arrived.
and that was only like a couple since the 2 receptionists took over when they were around.
what else did i do...
oh yes! i kept receipts in the drawers. ahah.
but my biggest achievement was helping to translate some info to a little old granny...
... in CHINESE! like omg how cool is that. xD
it'll totally look good in my resume huh.

okay on a serious note, i'm thankful that my uncle helped get me a job at his clinic.
albeit i didn't do much, but at least i'm earning dough.
but i must admit, it IS a tad boring.
since i can't do much because i have NO IDEA what's going on.
like i can't handle money transactions (including dispensing the medication and briefing patients on their prescriptions) because that's too complicated for me,
and i can't take calls because you have to be in with the clinic's know-how, which i am not.
i worked half-day today, and it was kinda bad enough.
i'll be doing full day tomorrow, so please keep me in your prayers.
i'll seriously be needed it.
and its so draining, you know!
even by just sitting there trying your best to look helpful.
i've yet to come up with an explanation as to why i was tired after i left.
now i know how 'tired from work' really feels.
its almost as bad as 'tired from school'!

ahhh spas, spas, my dear spas, you owe me loads!

happy new year everyone!
its a brand new year, for a brand new phase in my life.
and hopefully it'll be good, with lots of God's blessings!
alright, i'm kinda jet-lagged right now, i feel like its 1am.
super tired, but i shall type a short lil' post for the new year.


2oo7...
i must say, it was a great year for me.
apart from 2oo6, of which i felt was an ordinary year with nothing special.
with my O's and all, i had a lot of difficult times, especially with my school work.
but thankfully God was with me, and i managed to pull through and survive to tell my tale.
i grew closer to many friends, whether old or new.
and i realised the importance of friends.
they keep you sane when you feel like dying, and share special moments with you.
what will i do without them, that i do not know.
i probably can say that i've grown closer to God, and i hope He feels the same.
and with His continued blessings i will be even closer to Him than before.