Sometimes I wish I felt more my age. Wish I dressed more my age, wish I did things like others my age. After reading some of my friends' blogs, I feel so kiddy now.

But I guess that's what makes me me, right?

That aside, dorm life without most of my friends has been nothing but boring and even more monotonous. Been spending more time with Momma, Kerry, Sharon and Ana now, especially at dinner, but I still miss everyone else who's left.

After starting to pack my stuff into boxes, I realised that I have actually acquired quite a bit of nonsense. And I'm pretty worried that I won't have any space in my Chisholm room after I shift over Jeri and my stuff. Shucks, I shouldn't have opened my big mouth and volunteered my room. I'M AN IDIOT. But anyway I gotta move next Tuesday, and thankfully I only have school until 1pm. So after class I gotta rush back and start the long, taxing and arduous task of moving dorm. God bless my soul.

Stress stress and more stress ahead of me! Math test tomorrow, Biology test and oral presentation next week, and Chemistry test the week after. All I can say is that I can't wait for all this shit to be over and done with.

Ta for now I guess.

I think I've just hit the lowest point in my time in Melbourne. Started this week, with my dorm friends finally leaving one by one. Amanda and Daphne left on Monday, Qimin on Wednesday, Jeri yesterday and Lingchi and Gen today. Which leaves me with no one else in the clique that I'm close to save for Momma. Its really sad to see everyone leave, especially when they're all going back home while you're stuck here for another month. So yeah, I started getting pretty down ever since Amanda and Daphne left. Dinner was never the same, with empty seats and less conversation. Kinda realised that I took everyone's presence for granted, I think. Because its like only after they've left that I realised how much I valued their presence and energy. But I guess that's just human, isn't it? Taking things for granted and only valuing it after its gone. But anyway, today was pretty much the worse day, with Gen and Lingchi leaving.. Said bye to Gen before I left for school, because her flight was at 5pm. When I got back from school though, Lingchi was still around and I was quite happy that I still had one last dinner with her. But then her plans changed and her aunt decided to pick her for dinner and so there went our last meal in Glenn together. ): Was kinda bummed and sad, but couldn't do anything about it. Tried not to show my sadness when I said bye to Lingchi, but I really felt it inside.. You know that feeling of being left behind and feeling so down that you just don't want to do anything but hide in your room? Yeah that's how I felt. Although Momma was still with me (which I am highly thankful for), I was still down. Went to dinner.. Felt even worse. Its like my other half is missing. Which, in a way, is true because Kakak and I pretty much did everything together in Glenn. And ogling at eyecandies by myself is no fun at all. ): Sigh. I really miss Kakak already! ): And everyone else too.. Time passed so fast here, feels like just yesterday that I just moved in and Kakak popped by with the rest to say hi to me. And now their school year is over and everyone's gone home.

Really sucks to be all alone now. ): Miss you Kakak! ):

But like I said, I'm really thankful that I still have Momma and others like Ana, Kerry, Sharon etc. here in Glenn.. At least I wouldn't have to lonerise completely during mealtimes. And then there's Alexis too, who is so amazingly smart and knowledgeable haha. I thank God for her because I think He's placed her in my life to help bring me through this tough time, especially next week when I have to move to Chisholm. Alexis is moving too, and she's going to try and get a car so that we can move easily. And since she's been here for like four years already, she pretty much is familiar with Chisholm and everything, so I can depend on her when I move. Really hope I get a room next to her over the summer!

Never in my life has a month felt like eternity to me.. Not until now. But I was thinking that its about time I went through a 'tough time' by myself.. I mean, I consider myself extremely blessed for having God put people like Gen and Jeri in my life to welcome me when I first came, and a wonderful neighbour like Lingchi to give me someone to hang around with. Because of them and the other fantastic people I met in Glenn, my transition to life here was very smooth-sailing. Others weren't so fortunate, like Lingchi. Poor thing came here by herself, find her way to La Trobe from the airport and move into Glenn by herself. And she had to make friends pretty much from scratch, while I was introduced by those whom I already knew. So yeah I think its high time I go through some loneliness and solitude.

Anyway moving on, school is still stressful and annoying.. And I think I'm getting quite sick and tired of it. Which I don't think is a good thing, because I still have a month left before I go home for the Christmas break. And then there's next January when I gotta come back for my exams. So I pretty much have quite some time left in the dear FSDP course, and I gotta strengthen myself up if I want to survive. School today kinda sucked though. Got really pissed off at some classmates of mine who apparently don't really know when to draw the line between teasing and hurting someone. Basically when one of them found out that he beat me in our last Biology test (he got 100 farking percent), he was like damn happy and told everyone.. And he kept saying to me that he had told me he'd get full marks and beat me. I wasn't feeling happy already, so I just "Mm-ed" and "Ahh-ed" my way through, but he kept going on and on and told my other classmates who, to no help at all, started shouting that he got full marks to me. Which of course, totally ticked me off. So in the end I just ignored them. Then my other friend realised that she got higher than me for our math test and openly expressed her happiness upon beating me. And yeah, that got me even more annoyed. So now you kinda see why I'm starting to get tired of school? Because its only making me feel stupider and more unimportant than I already feel. Ah stuff it. No point brooding too long.

Time I bucked up and show those shits who they're trifling with.

Thank God my English teacher approved my oral presentation topic on rock climbing! I somehow managed to turn it into an academic topic haha. So anyway Kico and I are going to present on "Rock climbing: Boon to Mankind, Bane to Environment?" Cleverly thought of by me. :D Dear Kico helped with the research and I typed out the report.. And I must say, I'm quite proud of the outcome! Pity the report doesn't really count for much in the grading, most weightage is on the presentation itself. But at least the foundation is there for us. :D Hopefully we'll be able to make a great presentation and impress our teacher. Yea, rock climbing FTW! (:

Went to Simpson Lawn last night to play with some left over sparklers from Lingchi's birthday.. Had much fun taking photos and fooling around. (: Like I said just now, I'm really gonna miss everyone. ):


Hahah ah bengs

How I love them so! <3

Mandatory jump shots

Shindu-adugennn!



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Thanks Pris. Really miss having you to talk to. (:

Been pretty stressed out lately! And its been all due to school and tests. I think its also because everyone in my dorm is stressed from studying for their exams too, and I suppose their stress has probably rubbed off on me. But I guess its good in a way, since the stress is making me become really paranoid and more studious than I normally am. Especially today! I actually did my Independent Study Journal for Academic Study Skills (a.k.a. English) which I never did properly last time. Can't believe I spent like almost two hours on it! Supposed to devote three hours every week to it, but I find it so useless and a waste of time that I don't touch until its due for submission. So I guess Rachietan is really changing! And I kinda like it. Just wish that my subjects in school would be easier to understand so make things better for me. Stupid Chemistry I hate it!! My nightmare in JC has finally come back to haunt me. Sigh-

Got back my mid-semester report yesterday, and although my scores are pretty good so far, I'm quite disappointed in my Biology grade even though it's a B. Guess I asked for it since I didn't really put in much effort for the first test. And my 79% in the second test wasn't enough to pull the average to an A. And I think this is one of the reasons why I'm feeling the stress to improve and change the errs of my ways. Finally, my wake-up call has arrived. Need to pull up the averages of my tests for all my subjects, so that I can increase my chances of getting an A next year. I guess I'm feeling pretty serious about all this now because I've realised that I absolutely cannot afford to screw up because if I do and I don't get into my uni course next year, then well, my life is doomed. I already threw away my JC option, and now I'm overseas studying I just can't fail can I? So therefore.. Study, Rachel, study!

The weather for the past two days has been pretty nice, I must say. After almost a whole week of scorching sun and soaring temperatures that saw Melbourne hotter than Singapore, yesterday's cool temperatures of high twenties was a nice reprieve. Today, however, was totally fantastically awesome. Not too hot, nor was it too cold. The evening was just perfect, and Lingchi and I ate outside the dining hall under the sky. Breeze blew, birds chirped and the food was good. I was in a good mood. :D After dinner, I brought Ranielle out to the courtyard to do some work while Lingchi watched her show. The evening was so nice that I really wished that I had my family there with me so that I could share that moment with them.. Wanted to Skype but my parents were at a function so I couldn't. ): Ohwell I guess there'll always be another day, God-willing. (: Mama came to join us and we all had a nice time basking in God's wonderfully-made day. (:

View of part of the courtyard from where I was sitting

Today was To Write Love On Her Arms Day! Its a day where people write the word "Love" on their arms, however big they want, to prove to someone in need that there are people around that care for them. Its a cause by To Write Love On Her Arms, a non-profit organisation, that started in the States in '06 by a group of friends rallying around another friend who had fallen on hard times with drugs and self-harm. For anyone suffering depression, anxiety, addiction, self harm or suicide, TWLOHA is there to support them and show them the services available to get them through hard times. Anyway! Mama, Kakak and I wrote "Love" on our arms and enjoyed ourselves while enjoying the evening.


Discovered a rock climbing wall tucked away in a corner of the wings of my school campus' Sports Centre on Wednesday and Gen, Jeri, Lingchi when I went through the back door of the swimming pool to see some friends. Ecstatic as I was though, the wall was in bad shape. To start of it wasn't a proper climbing wall, it was more of a few tiles scattered on a brick wall. Looked more like a commercial wall for non-climbers than a real wall. But I told myself, "Better than nothing, at least there're tiles.." Upon closer inspection, however, it was confirmed that the wall was crying out to be maintained. It looked like it hasn't been touched in years, with the tiles all covered in cobwebs. It was pretty disgusting. And it was probably true, that the wall hasn't undergone maintenance in a long time. I felt so sad for the wall! Actually that area has a lot of potential to be an awesome bouldering gym, but I have no idea how to put that idea forth to the Sports Centre. But anyway, I've been going to climb for the past two days, even though the wall's so messed up. Did some endurance drills on whatever little tiles that I can hold and use. Because its a high wall, I'm limited to the really low tiles, and I daren't go higher because there're no crash mats. So yeah, its quite a pathetic site but I guess its better than nothing, at least I can get back some of my movements (albeit really limited) and strength on the wall.

The part of the wall that I climb on.. It's much worse than it looks here.

Other half of the wall with even worse tiles (some GLUED to the wall)


Lastly, the GCE A Levels have started! I just want to say to all my friends back home in Singapore running their final leg of the race all the best and may God be with them! I'm so proud of them, because they've all survived thus far. Its something that I really admire and respect, because heck, I didn't even make it past the quarter mark hahah. But that aside, yeah. I hope everyone's coping well and not going crazy with the stress! Of course, my stress here can't possibly be compared to that of those taking the A levels now. Heard that the first few papers were really hard though, but I hope that doesn't get everyone down and out, continue to keep your chin up guys! I'm here supporting you guys all the way. And before you know it, the nightmare will be over! And you'll have absolute FREEDOM. :D And as a bonus, I'll be coming back! So look forward to it. :D

Can't wait for Christabel to come over in December with her family too!!!!

As much as a B.F.F. can make you go W.T.F., there's no denying we'd all be a little less rich without them.

Thank God its Friday! Never really realised why everyone likes saying this.. But recently I've found myself to be extremely happy and thankful whenever Friday comes around and I'm done with school for the week. So yeah, TGIF! Time to let my brain rest.

Biology test was pretty easy today too, with only 43 MCQ and no open-ended questions. Yes, tests in my school (or rather, by my teachers) are really so funny in a ZOMG-why-did-I-even-bother-to-study-so-hard way. Though I'm still happy that I mugged my ass off last night, albeit a little last minute (though I did start a few days earlier). Makes me feel better about myself. So I guess studying is actually quite fun! When you know what you're doing, that is. Maybe I'll go do some work later instead of slacking. Then at 12am its Bloody Monday time with Lingchi. :D

Spotted: Rachietan watching Gossip Girl! Can't believe I'm actually watching it after strongly detesting it haha. And its actually quite nice omgg! What's wrong with me!

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Lately I've been reminiscing about the past.. I have no idea why though, I thought all those feelings were behind me. Back then I wondered if I could hold on and keep up feelings for you even abroad, and I daren't commit on my part. I told myself to move on, leave my options open. With time, all wounds heal. Mine did, but somehow the feelings remained and I wasn't fully aware of it. Either that, or I just didn't want to admit it. And I realised that all I was doing was trying to suppress those feelings. After all, I wanted to start anew in a new place. You once told me that going abroad is good because no one knows who you are, neither do they know your past - perfect opportunity to start on a clean slate. Though while its true that nobody knows who you are etc., there's still you, the very person you are. In other words, you can't exactly escape from yourself. And I know deep inside that I still haven't fully let go of you. Not just yet, anyway.

I wonder how you could change almost 180˚ after going to your new school. Its such a drastic change that I can't bring myself to say that I actually know you. The you I once know is now but of a distant memory etched in my mind, ready to be forgotten as time passes. I've said this once and I'll say it again though, I still don't like that new you. Although you'd probably say that you very much prefer the new you because he's 'stronger' as a person. Or something like that. I'm not used to it though. Maybe because I had a deeper connection with the old you, the you I used to know. But who'm I to say such things? Its not like I have a say over who you are and who you become. Deep inside though perhaps that little bit of what remains of the old you, the you I think I fell in love with, still exists and is a part of who you are. I believe its still there, maybe that's why I have yet to let go.

I'm just being unrealistic anyway, aren't I?

You know how most people believe that feelings will change after awhile and you can move on? I'm not sure if that applies to me. Its been about 10 months and I still pretty much feel the same way, share the same thoughts as what I did before I left. 10 months is really long, even I'm surprised at myself. So maybe it is possible to hold on. There're so many reasons as to why I still have feelings, but they're so many that I can't say. But remember how you used to say that after I'm done with university here and if we still have feelings, we'll give it a shot? I might probably be able to do that on my part. I'm sure its much different on your part anyway. Love is really hard, isn't it? Really takes two hands to clap. Wonder how you feel though, if you knew all this.

Initially the promise that we'd remain the good friends we were and keep in contact fooled me into being happy and content and thinking that I was over you. But now that we don't talk anymore - you busy with your assignments and I with school - its dawned on me that it was pretty much an empty and passing promise, something to make me happy and shut up perhaps? Can't help but think its that way. I know its impossible to keep hoping that I still mean something to you, but sometimes I just wish that you could keep your promise of keeping in contact and maintaining our friendship. I think I've played my part already. Have yet to see you do yours. Squeezing in 30minutes for a quick chat before a meeting doesn't count when I was the one who initiated it and after that you don't bother making further contact anymore.

Just when I thought that it was over, I realised that I'm still a fool.

Happy November 2009 everyone. Just a month and 17 days left till I'm back in Singapore. Lingchi and the others have just three weeks to go. SIANZZZ I don't want to be left alone. ): And now everyone's all busy mugging for their exams and so there's no one to accompany me in slacking. HAHA wth ignore that sentence I sounded like some selfish kid. But really, it kinda sucks when your academic schedule is so different from everyone else's. Especially when everyone's going back home a whole month before you do.

Weekend was a total slack-fest for me. Glenn's D-Day on Saturday, which started at 6am in the morning and ended at 1am on Sunday morning. Apparently at 6am sharp speakers in the courtyard woke everyone up by blasting porno sounds of a woman having sex. Thankfully because my room isn't facing the courtyard (and also because I'm a really heavy sleeper), I was spared from the moaning and groaning sounds that gave Gen the fright of her life. Lingchi and I didn't plan on attending D-Day because the tickets were a waste of $40, which included a singlet and beer holder. Figured that $40 for just a singlet and holder would be a huge waste of money since we don't drink that much. Accompanied Gen at 3pm to collect her singlet though, and while waiting the warden saw that we weren't wearing the singlet and ordered some RA to get singlets for us. And after waiting about an hour (yeah the stupid RA kept forgetting), we got our singlets. I wanted to laugh out loud because I didn't even pay anything hahaha. Nobody checked for tickets anyway, so Lingchi and I practically gate crashed the whole event unnoticed. Saw somebody get uber drunk and even weirder and act like a kid. It was amusing yet disgusting at the same time. Whatever. Sat around in the courtyard watching all the angmohs drink alcohol like nobody's business and enjoyed the live music that Custom Kings (I think they rock!) entertained us. Then Daphne, Lingchi and I went to sit in the portable jacuzzi that was hired to seek refuge from the heat of the day. Turns out that it was possibly the best thing we did for the day because Lingchi's 黑马王子 and Back-up came into our jacuzzi awhile after! The ultimate thing was, Back-up totally sat next to me. Plus, because the jacuzzi was so crowded, we had to squeeze and we were literally shoulder-to-shoulder, arm-to-arm, leg-to-leg. I seriously died and went to heaven, I swear. Hahahaha shit man just thinking of it makes me giggle to myself like an insane twit. But ZOMGG I still can't believe I struck lottery okay! TEEHEE. :D 黑马王子 initially was a person away from Lingchi, and after that guy left he moved in to make space. And then it was Lingchi's turn to join me in heaven. Hahaha and Giraffe (aka Hugh Jackman), Daphne's new eyecandy, came too and he kept shoving his feet in Daphne's face because he was just too damn tall. And somehow or another Daphne wasn't grossed out by that and joined Lingchi and I in heaven too. But omg I think I was the best HAHAHAH. Sorry Lingchi, Daph. I'm just biased. :DD

Celebrated Jialin's birthday at Chisholm at night, and had some drinks. Got really red but wasn't drunk haha. Damn, I hate turning red whenever I drink, totally sucks. But had fun at Chisholm even though I don't know the people that well. Played the drums too! Youngmin-oppa is like some kick-ass drummer and he's my inspiration to work towards next year. Haha Lingchi and I are gonna haunt the music room in Chisholm every single night next year. :D

Work's piling up slowly bit by bit now.. Its getting quite annoying. Especially for math, with a bloody test almost every week. And its especially worse because I don't know wth the chapters are about, and the relevance it has to what I want to do next year. I hate stats. Stats is stupid, and a bloody waste of my time. I mean like, wth cares about trends and drawing a 3-point median regression line or whatever its called? ARGHH. And how in the world did I get 27.5/30 for my balanced essay? Wts man even my Vietnamese classmate got 29/30. I so did NOT just lose to someone to whom English is a second language and whose command of English is obviously (much) worse than mine. I'm not gloating though, I'm just miffed that I wasn't marked fairly. What Pris said was true I guess. Sian la.

SWOTVAC has started. But it seems there's no supper in the dining hall. Sigh, I want supper! I just need something else to get my mind off my stupid work.

Okay I should go now. Don't even know why I'm blogging when I've got tests to study for. Whateverrrr.