4 and a half hours to go

I can't believe I'm counting down in mere hours now! GAHHH I can't believe it omgg. ): Up until last night everything still felt so surreal.. But I'm starting to come to terms with reality now.

I'm still not too sure of my feelings right now.. Sad, excited, nervous, uncertain etc. It's all one big jumble of emotions. Makes me feel so messy. But I guess its normal, right? Although the only emotion that Wen is showing is pure excitement about joining me in Melbourne come July. Wish I could be like her.

There are so many things that are left undone still.. Like going swimming with Sab, or taking pictures of the different blocks in school with Dan. Guess I'll just have to leave it to when I come back to visit, hopefully in December. And there are so many friends that I wasn't able to meet up with too. Especially Pok Hua, El, Celestine and Celesther, Andrew etc. Sorry if you're one of them, its just that my schedule was too damn packed. And one tip if you're going abroad to study: start your farewell outings waay in advance.

```

Incredibly, I feel strong enough to move on now. We really should've talked things out before everything got beyond our control. But what's done is done, and as much as I would like to turn back time to relive the past, I can't. So I guess its time to move on, to get on with my life. Most importantly, I think I can be truly happy again. Like I once was a long time ago. I miss that old me.

Time will tell, I guess. And if its meant to be, its meant to be. What I just said doesn't mean that I'm totally giving up, and neither does it mean that I won't remain open to other options. We'll see how it turns out. But either way I'm going to give it my best shot at restoring our friendship, and I wish you'd do the same.

It'll be so awesome, don't you think? (:

```

Ahh guess I can leave with no regrets now. Thank God. Last night was good. Even though I slept at 6 in the morning because I was talking to some people and trying to finish up my packing at the same time. Yeah, it was good.

Well, I guess its time to say goodbye everyone. Gonna miss everyone of you! If you're reading this and I know you, you'll be missed, trust me.

Alright. Time to prepare my tissues. Praying that I won't cry like hell later. :/

Look forward to the next post! 'Cause it'll be from.. Melbourne! WHOOHOO! (:

4 days to go

Ohh my goodness me I've only four measly days left! I can't believe it. Feels so so surreal. Ohwell! Packing is proving to be an irritant and a major room-messer. My room's a total mess now because I have been throwing everything everywhere. Haha man it sucks.

Well the past week has been filled to the brim with farewell outings with friends from everywhere.. Started off with going to the Bird Park with Shawn last Tuesday. The last time I had gone there was easily almost six years ago for my primary school friend's birthday outing during Halloween season. The place is pretty much the same, though. I can even remember some exhibits. I guess my favourite was the Lorry Loft where we could get up-close and personal with the lorries in the enclosure. The lorries would perch on your arm and drink from the little tupperware filled with some sweet water meant for the birds. It was pretty scary, though, because the lorries would all flock over to you and squabble with each other for a drink. But after awhile they'd behave themselves. I made a lorry friend who I called George! It kept perching on my shoulder like some pirate's parrot. So cute. Shawn was an absolute thick-skinned idiot who went around asking people to help us take photos. I was so embarrassed haha.




Met up with the girls on Friday to celebrate Jingfang's birthday in advance since she had no papers on that day.. Went to watch Night at the Museum 2 at The Cathay. I really like the $6 student discounted ticket - it totally agrees with my wallet. But the snacks that we bought were a total rip-off. Night at the Museum 2 was pretty funny! Laughed quite a bit. But I think the first one is funnier. I remember laughing harder and more. Haha but nonetheless it was a good watch. Spent some time at Long John's chatting and catching up with each other's lives, then Tiff had to leave and I went to meet my Secondary 4 clique. Unfortunately only four of us turned up (the rest had stuff on) but we survived. Was really great seeing them again! Especially that Eunice Yip Xin Yi. And it was a pleasant surprise finding out that piece of news from her. I wish her all the best. (:



Went climbing with Puay and Brian on Saturday finally! Brian's officer friend came along for the first time too. I think his name was Nathaniel or something. Turns out that he was Ann Marie's classmate in CJ last time! Such a small world. Had fun climbing after so long! And thankfully my blisters didn't bother me. Although taking off and putting on my shoes was quite troublesome. Had lunch at the food court then went to watch Night at the Museum 2 (again). Brian paid for my ticket so I didn't mind watching it again. :D Oh before the movie I totally owned my brother in some hunting game at the arcade. It was pretty funny. After the show I went down to Bugis for steamboat dinner with my badminton teammates! Mr Goh came along too, but Mr Wee had something on so he couldn't make it. ): Sab, Yu Sin, Huiyan, Sweeleng, Sarah Ho and Geor also came. It felt so great to be with them again.. And I certainly felt younger with all of them. Made me relive my secondary school days. We all had a good laugh talking about trainings and stuff! Especially the stories of how we used to slack during training but hide it from Mr Goh. Pictures are with Mr Goh, I must remember to get them from him.

Sunday.. Wished Jingfang and Jason a very happy birthday before meeting Puay and heading to church. It was my last Sunday in church! So sad. Reached there in time for one or two songs during worship too. Then during announcements the church leaders led the church in praying for me and I guess it was nice. Went home with Brian and Puay after lunch and took photos for Puay's new collection for onetwochic. It was pretty fun, modeling alongside Puay. Haha new experience. And I must say, modeling is not easy! You need a lot of self-esteem to look good in the pictures. Anyway, her new collection is awesome stuff. They're all hand-sewn by her mother! I'm currently her mum's biggest fan haha. And the workmanship is really good. I hope they sell well! Lovely basics that are great for school or a day out with friends. Check it out! (: (:



Then it was a tiny church farewell at a pub called Clinic at Clarke Quay! My first time going to a pub legally haha. Though I must say I don't think this sort of thing is really my kind of thing. Besides, the costs of the drinks are so damn expensive that I call it daylight robbery. But whattheheck, its just a one-off thing so who cares. Everyone was nice enough to treat me, so I didn't have to fork out any money. Thanks guys! (: Ordered a Sex on the Drip which was pretty cute.. I think it was just Sex on the Beach served in those IV bags along with an IV drip to drink it from. You put the drip in your mouth and roll down the stopper and the drink flows right into your mouth. Quite ingenious. And it cost a bomb for a bag that was only about half full. $50, omg! Haha I sound like a freaking cheapo. The guys got a house drink thingy that was a mixture of Coke and some alcohol.. I kinda liked that one. Though the alcohol content in it was probably considered non-existant. Drank two glasses and some how managed to turn a little red. Gotta work on my alcohol tolerance.



And no, we weren't drunk.

Then today! My last BSF lesson. I was pretty sad about it.. Kinda grew to enjoy attending the BSF lessons so far.. And I really regret not joining earlier. But I really thank God for blessing me with the opportunity to be able to attend a few lessons before I left. I realised today that I will actually miss my class. Although we don't talk to each other and attendance is only at most seven of us per week, I've actually grown comfortable with the familiar faces that I see each week. And my two CLs Mr Tan and Mr Lim.. Gosh, I'll miss them too! They are so passionate about teaching the Word, and they're so learned too. I really respect them and their God-given wisdom and knowledge. It was at the end of the lesson when Mr Tan announced that it was my last lesson and when Mr Lim prayed over me that I realised that I will miss everyone. I even made a friend after all this lol. One of the girls in my class couldn't stop asking me questions. I was pretty amused. Ohwell, I'll never be in the same class as them again, but I really really am grateful to God for this wonderful experience.

...and finally! I met up with Manprit my lovely fellow anty wanty after BSF for supper. It's been eons since I last saw her! Glad to know that we're both still the same whacky, crazy, insane, retarded ants that we were back in the good old days of Cedar. (: I miss those mornings when we'd go to school together and laugh non-stop on the journey to school. Love her to bits, gonna miss her so much!

15 days to go

```

I am glad to say that I've started packing already! I just threw in a few pullovers and jackets into the luggage, actually. Heck, I'll just count that as packing. I feel as if I'm going on a holiday, omg.

You know, sometimes, I wish I wasn't so simple-minded. I wish I could express my thoughts into words properly. Whenever I try, though, I find myself at a loss for words. Which really annoys me, because I feel so stupid and dumb. I really envy people who write so well too.. Like their thoughts just come out so well put. Whereas mine are so straight forward and awkward sounding. But I guess that's what makes me who I am. Simple-minded me. Sab told me that simple-mindedness is good because you don't read so much into things. Which is true, in a way. But still doesn't change the fact that I feel dumb. ):

Especially when it comes to you.

You'd never imagine how much guts it took me to bring that up with you again. Let alone initiate it. And, well, your reply just goes to show that firstly, you don't give a shit about making an effort. Secondly, excuses have now become your best friend when it comes to me. If you think that those pathetic lame-ass excuses would fool me, think again. I may be simple-minded but I am not an idiot. I realised something, though. It has always been up to you about everything. You decided we should wait, I agreed. You decided to pulverise our relationship, I couldn't do anything about it. And now what, I have to wait for you to get back to me about this? See, it's me waiting for your decision again. You, you, you. It has always been that way. And I think it's also because I'm too damn simple-minded to think the way you do. The way you're able to 'justify' your actions with your insanely 'deep' reasoning. Seriously, it just screws up my head and I can't think properly. Makes me doubt myself. And I feel like a child next to you. And that's not healthy, is it? So maybe it's a good thing things didn't work out. I don't know, I really don't.

Did I just say that?

---

Why Waiting is Really Trusting
By Daniel Darling

Nobody hates waiting more than I do. At Wal-mart, I use the self-checkout, because there is usually no line. Unless, of course, I commit the unpardonable crime of putting the bread on the wrong plastic bag and the machine begins yelling at me. Then, of course, I have to wait for the human to come over and fix the machine.

At the post office, I hate waiting an hour to mail a package. So I usually use the automated box that allows me to send anything slightly smaller than an elephant.

I especially don’t like sitting in traffic in the Chicago suburbs, where I believe they widen the roads once every 76 years. So I have a better chance of seeing Haley’s Comet than getting into the turn lane on my local highways. Nice.

So you can understand that I have an especially tough time waiting on God. He just doesn’t seem to fit His plans into my rushed, hurried, panicked world. And in reading the Scriptures, I’ve learned that He hasn’t changed.

In fact, almost all of the great men in the Bible had to wait. Some agonizingly long. Let’s look at three examples.

Your Prince is Ready
Though Moses grew up in the house of Pharoah and was groomed to be the next in line for the throne, I believe he saw all of this as God raising him up to deliver his people, Israel. His mother probably had something to do with that.

As the years passed and Moses looked from the window of his stately palace and saw the oppression of his brethren, he grew more and more impatient. Finally, he acted on impulse and killed an Egyptian taskmaster.

So that meant 40 years in the wilderness. Here God’s people were suffering and their future deliverer is leading sheep in the backside of the desert. Yet God wasn’t delaying. He wasn’t stalling. He wasn’t anxious.

Finally, when Moses was broken and humble enough to be used as an instrument by God, God sent the 80-year old prince-turned-shepherd back to Egypt.

But do you see what is happening? The headlines wouldn't read, "Prince leads coup. Prince leads revolt. Prince overtakes Pharaoh." No, it wouldn't be about Moses anymore. It would be about God. How about, "God Miraculously Delivers His People"?

Dreams of Greatness
As a young man, God spoke to Joseph through dreams. In these dreams, Joseph was leading and his brothers and even world leaders were bowing at his feet. Kind of heady stuff for a teenager, don’t you think? And it didn’t play too well with his brothers.

But Joseph knew God was calling him to a special place. A place of impact and leadership and power.

So that’s why Joseph was probably stunned and shocked when he found himself in the bottom of a pit, praying his brothers wouldn’t kill him. Or when he found himself sold into a strange country, Egypt. Or when he was thrust into prison on rape charges.

Didn’t seem like those dreams were panning out too well, did it? Didn’t seem like God was working out His plan?

Oh, but God was working out his plan. And Joseph, while he didn’t know a lot, He knew He could trust God.

Running for King
Okay, so this prophet comes to his house, dumps some oil on his head, and then whispers in his ear, “Oh by the way, you’re going to be Israel’s next king.” But then it was back to the shepherd’s fields, back to being the forgotten son and brother, back to obscurity.

David was anointed king as a teenager, but he waited 14 long years to assume the throne. And those 14 years were hard years. He was Israel’s next king, but there was his madman, Saul, who was determined to see David dead and buried.

If you read the psalms you can experience David’s angst. He scratched his head in wonder, “Why is God allowing Saul to do this?” “Why doesn’t God just move Saul out of the way?”

But again, like Moses, like Joseph, David had to learn to trust God. And waiting, is trusting. David had to be broken, humble, and read to lead God’s people.

Do you see a pattern developing here? God often gives his people a dream, a desire, a calling and then puts them through a period of waiting.

It is in this waiting where your real courage and character are forged. It is in this period of uncertainty that you’re life takes on a whole new dimension. You learn how to trust God. You learn to lean on God. You learn what’s important and what’s not important.

So if you’re like me and you really hate to wait, know that waiting is trusting.

---

Thanks, Sab, for sharing this article with me. Really opened my eyes to a different set of things. I realise that I've been so damn myopic. And I have been leaning on the wrong things.

I need to stop waiting on you and start waiting on God.

```

Someone Else's Story - Lea Salonga

Long ago in someone else's lifetime
Someone with my name who looked a lot like me
Came to know a man and made a promise
He only had to say
And that's where she would be
Lately although the feelings run just as deep
The promise she made has grown impossible to keep
And yet I wish it wasn't so
Will he miss me if I go?

In a way it's someone else's story
I don't see myself as taking part at all
Yesterday a girl that I was fond of
Finally could see the writing on the wall
Sadly she realized she'd left him behind
And sadder than that she knew he wouldn't even mind
And though there's nothing left to say
Would he listen if I stay?

It's all very well to say you fool it's now or never
I could be choosing
No choices whatsoever

I could be in someone else's story
In someone else's life
And he could be in mine
I don't see a reason to be lonely
I could take my chances further down the line
And if that girl I knew should ask my advice
Oh I wouldn't hesitate she needn't ask me twice
Go now
I'd tell her that for free

Trouble is, the girl is me
The story is, the girl is me

17 days to go

```

OMG seventeen days left! Okay relax, take a deep breath. Seriously, I have so little time left in Singapore! And planning outings with friends has given me nothing but a headache. Stupid MYEs.. Ruining all my plans! I think my last two sets of weekends have been booked up already. UGH that means I don't even know if I have time for my school mates. OMG OMG OMG I WANT TO CRY. ):

And packing! Ugh, packing is nonsense. No idea where to start! Which reminds me, I gotta go to the post office to get some boxes to dump my stuff in. JC lecture notes, my soft toys (haha) and books. Oh and I need to print out photos of everyone! So I can stick them up in my room. (:

Oh yeah, I saw a 3-D picture of my dorm room last night.. It's pretty big I guess, but somehow it reminded me of a prison cell. ): I think it was because the bed looked so.. prison-y. Haha well. Maybe because they didn't put a comforter over the bed before taking the photo. Oh! And I learnt a new Aussie slang word today. The word is doona. It's slang for a comforter. And thus commences my journey of learning Aussie slang words. Hahaha, oh man.

Brian's flown off to Brunei! Sent him off at the airport this morning. Thankfully he'll be back on Saturday, yay! Didn't really spend much time with him after he got back from Taiwan though.. He was pretty busy doing his own thing. ): Oh well. I wish he left his PSP behind, though. So I can play Locoroco HAHA! Okay kidding I just want him back ASAP.

Made a nice desktop wallpaper for Ranielle yesterday using some photo editing software called Pixelmator. It's like Photoshop. I kind of suck at editing photos.. But I think I did a pretty neat job at my first collage. (: (: I gotta go find more of these things they call 'brushes' to download. They're so nice! Haha. (:

I HAVE A SUDDEN URGE TO CLIMB! And bake cookies and cream cupcakes. Hahaha weird combination.

Going back to school later to visit! I can't wait - it's been so long since I last went back! I think it was when, the start of April? Omg that's long! Dan and I are going to fulfill our promise of going around the school to take pictures of all the different blocks. (:

Time cannot erase a feeling so strong.

```

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

Now I don't wanna lose you
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side

I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry

That don't really matter to anyone anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all

It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like the rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

And there's no way home
When it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
'Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Baby sometimes love
It just ain't enough

21 days to go

Okay dears. It's confirmed.

Rachietan finally has her departure date! Details are as such:
Date:Saturday 30 May
Time:9PM
Flight no.: SQ 227
Terminal: T3

Yep, there it is, folks. Please leave a tag on my board so that I know who has already taken note of it! Helps so that I don't tell people who already know. Haha wth, I sound as if I'm some important shit.

As you can tell, God has been kind and granted me the opportunity to leave in style. I'm flying SIA (yay) and it's at T3 (double yay)! My favourite terminal since its so spanking new and big. So I won't have a teary farewell in the Budget Terminal as I originally feared. God is good! Ahaha. (:

Climbed with Danielle and Dud today. My fingers are alright, thank God! (: But for some reason my right knee hurts a bit when I walk. I must be getting old. ):

Pokay that's all for now.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part

```

It has suddenly dawned upon me that I've only got 20+ days left in Singapore.
Good gravy.

Just got back from dinner with Jingfang! I think Plaza Sing has become our usual haunt for dinners. Since its convenient for the both of us haha. Ended up eating at KFC because we two had some cravings for it. Unhealthy, yes I know. But a craving's a craving! Gotta satisfy it. (: Walked around after that and went to Food Republic for ice kachang dessert. Then we realised that we should have eaten there instead, so that I can eat local fare. Which made sense, since I've got such a short period of time left in Singapore. In other words, I've got such a short period of time left to eat my favourite local food! Omg omg. ): Haha well. I guess I'll just have to stick to eating local food everytime I go out then. (:

My brother's finally back from Taiwan for three long weeks. My parents and I were crazy enough to stay up till two in the morning and go pick him from the airport. I think it was a fun experience. Always liked seeing Singapore asleep, there's this very serene touch to everything you look at. The car park was surprisingly pretty crowded at such an unearthly hour, but I guess everyone's excited to see their loved one again. I was happy in the car on the way back.. Finally we were all together again. Even if it was just for that short ride back, I felt whole. I guess being the 'only kid' in the house for the past year or so hasn't been that great to me. I still wish my brother had more time at home. Weekends are just too short. I think fetching someone from the airport reminds me of Meng's Kitchen and the mee pok. Because everytime I go pick someone up from Changi, I always crave for Meng's. Especially if it's at night, haha. Gosh, I think I should just make it a tradition now. I definitely would want to eat Meng's first thing whenever I get back from Australia on visits! Haha what a freak I am.

While waiting for my brother to get his luggage from the belt, this family were wearing masks and were escorted out by airport personnel escorting them. My parents kinda went crazy when they spotted them.. They were like telling me to get away from the group (even though we were separated by that glass door. All I did was to roll my eyes and continue waiting for my brother. But thinking back, with this stupid swine flu spreading around.. Where do we draw the line between paranoia and being safe? A friend of mine recently passed a comment saying that the government is being too paranoid in handling the swine flu situation, with everywhere taking all those safety precautions. However it didn't exactly strike me as paranoia.. In fact I kind of think the government's handling everything pretty well. But then again I guess it's up to individuals to decide if its playing safe or going overboard. Ohwell. We'll never know, will we?

Oh yeah, news just got around that my brother has to go back to Brunei next week because they need him as the safety officer for some live firing exercise that's being conducted there. Thankfully it's just for a few days. But I can't help but feel angry that they keep sending him off.. And this time it's on such a short notification! It's time like this that makes me think that the way things are run in the army is really haphazard.

I'm finding work-free life really.. Well, free. Haha yeah I've got absolutely nothing to do at home! Apart from starting to pack for Australia, but I can't exactly bring myself to. Okay fine actually the main thing is that I don't really know where to start lol. Well actually there's also studying, but my usual procrastinating self is getting the better of me. ): I really hate myself. But anyway, the past two days has seen me finish two library books. I think it's a record. And I think it's a clear indication of how bored I am at home. Ahhh well. I just love Tess Gerritsen's books. (: (:

Sigh, so much to do in so little time. It really sucks to the max that there's mid-years in two week's time for the J2s. Which only leaves me with two measly days after their mid-years end to have farewell stuff. I seriously have no idea how I'm going to manage it all. ):

Nothing really lasts forever, does it?

```


If only we could turn back time

I think life has been boring lately! Either that or the things that I've been up to aren't exactly blog-worthy stuff. But to entertain myself and waste time, I'll type some out either way.

Sab and I went to watch the rugby match at SA on Tuesday.. It was SA vs AC. Quite cool, 'cause they're rugby arch enemies. So yeah, after work I met Sab and crashed SA. Felt like an idiot, though, because I was the only one in outside clothes. Everyone else was in school uniforms. I should've borrowed Sab's or something. Okay the match was pretty cool, I guess, also since it was my first live rugby match. From my very limited knowledge of rugby, I think the AC team is better in terms of skill.. But SA won in the end. First time in my life that I actually rooted against AC, wow. It was fun, anyway.. Sab and I had a great time people-watching too. Oh, and I discovered that my long lost junior from primary school is in SA too! Didn't get to say hi, though, because she was having training. Pity.

Had dinner with Jing Fang after the rugby match at Mahattan Fish Market at Plaza Sing because she wanted to use her $5 coupon that expired on that day.. Haha the food's pretty good, and it's cheaper than Fish & Co.! I think we spent.. What, two hours in the restaurant? Talking and eating and talking. Haha my legs were stiff when we got up to leave. And, for some reason, people avoided the tables next to us. I think we were too noisy. . . But whatever, at least we had more privacy. Haha! Miss her already man. Can't wait for our next MFM meal. Haha yes, we were given yet another $5 coupon to use. We're such suckers for their marketing ploy.

Finally stopped work on Thursday! OMG RACHELTAN IS FREE FROM THE SHACKLES OF WORK! Haha yep, like finally, ugh. But I kinda miss my colleagues, though. Especially Jasmine, Michelle and Dr. Mathily. ):

Okay let's see. The next most interesting thing was climbing with Puay yesterday. Haha yeah, climbing with that dope is usually the highlight of my week. Anyway it started off innocently enough with us having lunch and taking the bus from the interchange because we were lazy. Then things developed and I tore my right middle finger which was a bloody mess by the time I realised I was injured. And to think I did a couple more climbs before noticing it. Can you imagine all the dirt and chalk that got in?? EW! Okay so I got it clean, put a plaster over it and Puay proceeded to mummify it with her tape. Later, I discovered a tear on my left middle finger. And boy was it huge. But I just taped over it 'cause I couldn't be bothered to go clean it up. Two climbs later I tore my left ring finger. HAHA like wth right? Puay almost died from laughing at me. I got so annoyed that I ended up taping all my fingers so that I won't tear anything else. And looked like an idiot. Haha I felt like some poser la, with all my fingers taped up. Thankfully I didn't have anymore injuries, but couldn't really climb much after that due to my fingers being rendered useless. Showering was an absolute bitch, needless to say. Thankfully its better now.

I hope my fingers heal soon! I have limited opportunities left to climb in Singapore! So I can't afford to miss out on anything.

Oh yeah, before I forget, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO CELESTINE AND CELESTHER! Had awesome fun with them last night during our sleepover.. I think watching Bloody Monday is the ultimate sleepover activity HAHA. Miura Haruma is LOVE! Hehee. :D

Church tomorrow! With Sabster, yay! It'll be my last Holy Communion, though. Argh, so sad. ):

Brian's coming back in two day's time! OMG I CAN'T WAIT I CAN'T WAIT!!

Lastly, I really hope this AWARE nonsense finishes soon. I think it's damn stupid, damn childish, and damn pointless.