attended the wake and church service of my dad's close friend's father yesterday and today..
got me thinking about a lot of things.
the thing about Christian funerals that i like, is that the atmosphere is so calm and serene.
because we have the blessed assurance that the person is with God.
and so people who come to pay tribute to the deceased, though mourning, can rejoice and be happy about the passing of life.
its that joy in grieving that i find so wonderful.
i also thought about how i'd want my funeral to be.
i certainly don't want it to be a sad affair, unless i died unexpectedly or something.
and i wonder how people will remember me, what my eulogies will be like.
would it be too inappropriate if my picture was one of me making a stupid face?
or at least i want to be smiling widely.
because i want people to remember me as someone who always smiled.
i think.
i wonder if people will say that i had touched their lives, that i had shown love and care to them in one way or another.
i also want to be remembered as one who was a faithful servant of the Lord.
i think that's the best thing that could ever be said of a person.
because then you know that he/she has really lived life to the fullest.
i want my life to be like that. but i have a long way more.
hopefully God will bless me with enough time to be one.
and i want happy songs to be played at my funeral!
not those sad mournful old hymns in the hymnal. those just make me cry.
well okay, maybe i could settle for one or two, but mostly i want the songs to be upbeat and happy.
no wreaths, because i think they're a waste of money that could have been donated to the church or charity.
and definately no peanuts and melon seeds at the wake.
my family and friends deserve better food lol.

after sitting next to the casket throughout the whole church service by myself,
i realised that actually... dead bodies aren't that scary.
because its just an empty shell, the remainder of what it used to be.
i mean, the soul of that person is in a far better place.
and especially seeing the make-up those morticians use on the deceased,
it makes the deceased look so fake, like a wax figure or something.
there's no life in it, no soul.
so yeah, its not that bad.

okay i'm not suicidal or anything just because i just talked about death and how i want my funeral to be like.
i was just being very contemplative.
especially since that day when we stopped keeping in contact.
you taught me to think more.
i don't know if that's a blessing or a curse but i'm definately more aware of my thoughts now.
just wish i could share them with you.
i miss that, the fellowship.
but i don't think i'll have the honour of experiencing that ever again.