15 days to go

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I am glad to say that I've started packing already! I just threw in a few pullovers and jackets into the luggage, actually. Heck, I'll just count that as packing. I feel as if I'm going on a holiday, omg.

You know, sometimes, I wish I wasn't so simple-minded. I wish I could express my thoughts into words properly. Whenever I try, though, I find myself at a loss for words. Which really annoys me, because I feel so stupid and dumb. I really envy people who write so well too.. Like their thoughts just come out so well put. Whereas mine are so straight forward and awkward sounding. But I guess that's what makes me who I am. Simple-minded me. Sab told me that simple-mindedness is good because you don't read so much into things. Which is true, in a way. But still doesn't change the fact that I feel dumb. ):

Especially when it comes to you.

You'd never imagine how much guts it took me to bring that up with you again. Let alone initiate it. And, well, your reply just goes to show that firstly, you don't give a shit about making an effort. Secondly, excuses have now become your best friend when it comes to me. If you think that those pathetic lame-ass excuses would fool me, think again. I may be simple-minded but I am not an idiot. I realised something, though. It has always been up to you about everything. You decided we should wait, I agreed. You decided to pulverise our relationship, I couldn't do anything about it. And now what, I have to wait for you to get back to me about this? See, it's me waiting for your decision again. You, you, you. It has always been that way. And I think it's also because I'm too damn simple-minded to think the way you do. The way you're able to 'justify' your actions with your insanely 'deep' reasoning. Seriously, it just screws up my head and I can't think properly. Makes me doubt myself. And I feel like a child next to you. And that's not healthy, is it? So maybe it's a good thing things didn't work out. I don't know, I really don't.

Did I just say that?

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Why Waiting is Really Trusting
By Daniel Darling

Nobody hates waiting more than I do. At Wal-mart, I use the self-checkout, because there is usually no line. Unless, of course, I commit the unpardonable crime of putting the bread on the wrong plastic bag and the machine begins yelling at me. Then, of course, I have to wait for the human to come over and fix the machine.

At the post office, I hate waiting an hour to mail a package. So I usually use the automated box that allows me to send anything slightly smaller than an elephant.

I especially don’t like sitting in traffic in the Chicago suburbs, where I believe they widen the roads once every 76 years. So I have a better chance of seeing Haley’s Comet than getting into the turn lane on my local highways. Nice.

So you can understand that I have an especially tough time waiting on God. He just doesn’t seem to fit His plans into my rushed, hurried, panicked world. And in reading the Scriptures, I’ve learned that He hasn’t changed.

In fact, almost all of the great men in the Bible had to wait. Some agonizingly long. Let’s look at three examples.

Your Prince is Ready
Though Moses grew up in the house of Pharoah and was groomed to be the next in line for the throne, I believe he saw all of this as God raising him up to deliver his people, Israel. His mother probably had something to do with that.

As the years passed and Moses looked from the window of his stately palace and saw the oppression of his brethren, he grew more and more impatient. Finally, he acted on impulse and killed an Egyptian taskmaster.

So that meant 40 years in the wilderness. Here God’s people were suffering and their future deliverer is leading sheep in the backside of the desert. Yet God wasn’t delaying. He wasn’t stalling. He wasn’t anxious.

Finally, when Moses was broken and humble enough to be used as an instrument by God, God sent the 80-year old prince-turned-shepherd back to Egypt.

But do you see what is happening? The headlines wouldn't read, "Prince leads coup. Prince leads revolt. Prince overtakes Pharaoh." No, it wouldn't be about Moses anymore. It would be about God. How about, "God Miraculously Delivers His People"?

Dreams of Greatness
As a young man, God spoke to Joseph through dreams. In these dreams, Joseph was leading and his brothers and even world leaders were bowing at his feet. Kind of heady stuff for a teenager, don’t you think? And it didn’t play too well with his brothers.

But Joseph knew God was calling him to a special place. A place of impact and leadership and power.

So that’s why Joseph was probably stunned and shocked when he found himself in the bottom of a pit, praying his brothers wouldn’t kill him. Or when he found himself sold into a strange country, Egypt. Or when he was thrust into prison on rape charges.

Didn’t seem like those dreams were panning out too well, did it? Didn’t seem like God was working out His plan?

Oh, but God was working out his plan. And Joseph, while he didn’t know a lot, He knew He could trust God.

Running for King
Okay, so this prophet comes to his house, dumps some oil on his head, and then whispers in his ear, “Oh by the way, you’re going to be Israel’s next king.” But then it was back to the shepherd’s fields, back to being the forgotten son and brother, back to obscurity.

David was anointed king as a teenager, but he waited 14 long years to assume the throne. And those 14 years were hard years. He was Israel’s next king, but there was his madman, Saul, who was determined to see David dead and buried.

If you read the psalms you can experience David’s angst. He scratched his head in wonder, “Why is God allowing Saul to do this?” “Why doesn’t God just move Saul out of the way?”

But again, like Moses, like Joseph, David had to learn to trust God. And waiting, is trusting. David had to be broken, humble, and read to lead God’s people.

Do you see a pattern developing here? God often gives his people a dream, a desire, a calling and then puts them through a period of waiting.

It is in this waiting where your real courage and character are forged. It is in this period of uncertainty that you’re life takes on a whole new dimension. You learn how to trust God. You learn to lean on God. You learn what’s important and what’s not important.

So if you’re like me and you really hate to wait, know that waiting is trusting.

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Thanks, Sab, for sharing this article with me. Really opened my eyes to a different set of things. I realise that I've been so damn myopic. And I have been leaning on the wrong things.

I need to stop waiting on you and start waiting on God.

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Someone Else's Story - Lea Salonga

Long ago in someone else's lifetime
Someone with my name who looked a lot like me
Came to know a man and made a promise
He only had to say
And that's where she would be
Lately although the feelings run just as deep
The promise she made has grown impossible to keep
And yet I wish it wasn't so
Will he miss me if I go?

In a way it's someone else's story
I don't see myself as taking part at all
Yesterday a girl that I was fond of
Finally could see the writing on the wall
Sadly she realized she'd left him behind
And sadder than that she knew he wouldn't even mind
And though there's nothing left to say
Would he listen if I stay?

It's all very well to say you fool it's now or never
I could be choosing
No choices whatsoever

I could be in someone else's story
In someone else's life
And he could be in mine
I don't see a reason to be lonely
I could take my chances further down the line
And if that girl I knew should ask my advice
Oh I wouldn't hesitate she needn't ask me twice
Go now
I'd tell her that for free

Trouble is, the girl is me
The story is, the girl is me