Thank God its Friday! Never really realised why everyone likes saying this.. But recently I've found myself to be extremely happy and thankful whenever Friday comes around and I'm done with school for the week. So yeah, TGIF! Time to let my brain rest.

Biology test was pretty easy today too, with only 43 MCQ and no open-ended questions. Yes, tests in my school (or rather, by my teachers) are really so funny in a ZOMG-why-did-I-even-bother-to-study-so-hard way. Though I'm still happy that I mugged my ass off last night, albeit a little last minute (though I did start a few days earlier). Makes me feel better about myself. So I guess studying is actually quite fun! When you know what you're doing, that is. Maybe I'll go do some work later instead of slacking. Then at 12am its Bloody Monday time with Lingchi. :D

Spotted: Rachietan watching Gossip Girl! Can't believe I'm actually watching it after strongly detesting it haha. And its actually quite nice omgg! What's wrong with me!

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Lately I've been reminiscing about the past.. I have no idea why though, I thought all those feelings were behind me. Back then I wondered if I could hold on and keep up feelings for you even abroad, and I daren't commit on my part. I told myself to move on, leave my options open. With time, all wounds heal. Mine did, but somehow the feelings remained and I wasn't fully aware of it. Either that, or I just didn't want to admit it. And I realised that all I was doing was trying to suppress those feelings. After all, I wanted to start anew in a new place. You once told me that going abroad is good because no one knows who you are, neither do they know your past - perfect opportunity to start on a clean slate. Though while its true that nobody knows who you are etc., there's still you, the very person you are. In other words, you can't exactly escape from yourself. And I know deep inside that I still haven't fully let go of you. Not just yet, anyway.

I wonder how you could change almost 180˚ after going to your new school. Its such a drastic change that I can't bring myself to say that I actually know you. The you I once know is now but of a distant memory etched in my mind, ready to be forgotten as time passes. I've said this once and I'll say it again though, I still don't like that new you. Although you'd probably say that you very much prefer the new you because he's 'stronger' as a person. Or something like that. I'm not used to it though. Maybe because I had a deeper connection with the old you, the you I used to know. But who'm I to say such things? Its not like I have a say over who you are and who you become. Deep inside though perhaps that little bit of what remains of the old you, the you I think I fell in love with, still exists and is a part of who you are. I believe its still there, maybe that's why I have yet to let go.

I'm just being unrealistic anyway, aren't I?

You know how most people believe that feelings will change after awhile and you can move on? I'm not sure if that applies to me. Its been about 10 months and I still pretty much feel the same way, share the same thoughts as what I did before I left. 10 months is really long, even I'm surprised at myself. So maybe it is possible to hold on. There're so many reasons as to why I still have feelings, but they're so many that I can't say. But remember how you used to say that after I'm done with university here and if we still have feelings, we'll give it a shot? I might probably be able to do that on my part. I'm sure its much different on your part anyway. Love is really hard, isn't it? Really takes two hands to clap. Wonder how you feel though, if you knew all this.

Initially the promise that we'd remain the good friends we were and keep in contact fooled me into being happy and content and thinking that I was over you. But now that we don't talk anymore - you busy with your assignments and I with school - its dawned on me that it was pretty much an empty and passing promise, something to make me happy and shut up perhaps? Can't help but think its that way. I know its impossible to keep hoping that I still mean something to you, but sometimes I just wish that you could keep your promise of keeping in contact and maintaining our friendship. I think I've played my part already. Have yet to see you do yours. Squeezing in 30minutes for a quick chat before a meeting doesn't count when I was the one who initiated it and after that you don't bother making further contact anymore.

Just when I thought that it was over, I realised that I'm still a fool.